Sunday, January 30, 2011

Catch Up

Jeez! Sorry guys. I haven't even posted at all since the ultrasound. Despite being super nervous it all went really well. Not a whole lot to report about it besides everything measuring out perfectly and the guy who drew my blood was awesome and I didn't pass out or anything. While that sounds silly... trust me... it's a big accomplishment.

I haven't been posting much because I've been enjoying the nice weather/ being in a funk. I think I'm going through withdrawal from being home last month. I've realized how much of a rut I've fallen into and that I really don't have any friends here at all. I tried to make friends when I arrived here and hung out with some people a bit, but it's pretty hard to make friends with kids I am finding. Schedules end up conflicting and if you weren't close to start with... things just fall apart. We've been focusing on our little family a lot, which is really great. However, I miss my friends more than anything. I miss having people that you already know and can call up and end up having six people over for a spur-of-the-moment barbeque. I miss having friends with kids that understand having a messy house and don't care if you see their messy house. I miss just going out to get coffee and just grabbing the pack and play and throwing it together if life runs too long and the little one needs a nap. I miss having babysitters. I miss getting to spend time with my kid. That would be different if I was doing something worth it or career building, but I'm not. I miss just being able to call up someone any day of the week and have someone to hang out with. I hung out with people all the time at home. I had lots of friends and it really freaks me out that I really don't hang out with anyone here.

I guess I need a hobby or something where I could meet people. I've just never been good at forced friendships. It takes me awhile. Now, don't get me wrong. I don't hate living here. I LOVE that the high here is 78 and Dex and I got to walk to Logan's coffee shop and eat delicious bagels and I got an awesome decaf coffee. I love that I'm not dealing with the snow and coats and digging my car out of the mess. I just really don't like being so far away from my friends and family. I'm missing all of you guys hardcore right now and it's throwing me into a bit of a funk. I'll get over it I'm sure... but I'm ready to do something different to make a change.

On a side note... I'm such a bad mom today. I woke up with great motivation, Dex and I played for a bit and then I figured we would go get a treat (since we don't have a whole lot of other options foodwise at the moment) and then hit the grocery store. On the way back from breakfast I felt like I was shoved underwater and couldn't move anymore. We went inside, I turned on baby Netflix, and Dex watched while I snoozed for like an hour and a half. I wasted the whole morning. The beautiful day, and by the time I actually could get up... it was his naptime. Ugh. So mad at myself right now. I guess that's part of being pregnant, but I'm really frustrated when I can't function the way I want to. I hate that it gets taken out on him. Not that he cared. He watched tv and dumped clothes out of the hamper. Now he's so asleep in his big boy bed (which he has been in almost all weekend... I'm proud).

Oh well... I guess I can try to get the apt cleaned while he sleeps and then make up for it when he wakes up.

Sunday, January 16, 2011

Rainy Weekend

What a rainy weekend we are having here. It is really nice, actually. It is nice to sit inside and listen to the rain falling on the roof and through the trees in our bedroom and be able to hear the cars swishing through the wetness in the dining room. It's the kind of rain that isn't disgusting or nasty... it is nice and light and makes you know that the earth is getting the replenishing that it needs. A good slow soaking rain. It makes me want to cuddle up and watch too many movies with the little one and go to the coffee shop and sip hot chocolate and eat muffins and bagels. It made us stay inside and get some cleaning done but it was still nice to venture out to spend some time with Logan's family last night. While I do love snow (at the beginning of the Winter anyway), it is really nice to get to experience something totally different. Today it is 50 and rainy. I think tomorrow or Tuesday it is supposed to be 67. Who knows what the future will bring, but I'm glad to escape at least one snowy Winter.

I'm excited about the ultrasound tomorrow. I'm ready to be able to see things and put any doubts to rest. I have been talking to the baby and sending good vibes and love, so hopefully everything will go in a great direction. I've still been a little nervous to get too attached. I'm hoping that after tomorrow I am able to fully enjoy this pregnancy and bask in the life that I am (with Logan's help obviously) creating. I'm feeling good for the most part. I want to be able to enjoy the last few months with my little man as a one and only. I want to fully be able to think about the changes that our family will have to make in the next few months in order to work financially with jobs and daycare and such. I want to feel peace. For now I'm almost there... hopefully after tomorrow I will be all the way there.

Thursday, January 13, 2011

Pregnancy and Dex and such

Things are good here on the home-front. Not a whole lot new to report. I've been feeling much better the past few days. I was talking to Logan about it and how even if it comes back... since I've had a little bit of a reprieve it's already not as bad as last time. We have a dr appointment on Monday with an ultrasound so we can get everything checked out.

I think I'm feeling a lot better about the whole pregnancy thing. It was pretty scary for awhile considering that I only knew I was pregnant for about a week last time and it crushed my world for awhile when it ended. We've known now for maybe five weeks now? Really? That long already? Wow... time really does fly a lot faster when you have a child keeping you busy. Every day that goes by makes me more confident that things are all right. It was rough last week when our appointment was cancelled and some fears came back, but I'm looking forward to Monday. The "morning" sickness was actually kind of good because it made my body feel like it was really pregnant for the first time. I've just had a lot of scary pregnancy things happen to people that I know so it will be nice to see a heartbeat and everything.

Dex caught a little tummy bug so he stayed home from school today. He was pretty much fine, but he got to have some nice Daddy time. It's always good for the boys to have time together. Tonight he played by himself for probably the longest amount of time so far. He entertained himself climbing in and out of the cabinets and got use out of most of the toys in his toy drawers (which I now have to go and pick up because I was bad and didn't make him do it himself). I was really proud of him. He is talking SO much. There are new words and associations every day. I can't even believe it.

I guess that today's post didn't have a whole lot to say, but I hate how out of discipline I've gotten with blogging.

Missing everyone back home... but not missing the snow!

Saturday, January 8, 2011

I know I probably do this way too often...

But... how can I not (almost) constantly sing the praises of the love I receive daily? I seriously don't know what I did to please someone in charge of things, but I can't believe how lucky I am to have Logan. He keeps me supplied with bbq chips and french onion dip, and ice cream, and lets me fall asleep at 730. Then he puts Dex to bed and when I wake up at midnight in pain, he goes to the store to get me anything and everything he can think of to make me feel better. I hope that I show him as much love as I feel. Because I am shown so much love.

I've been getting a bit sick recently. Usually not the hours of incapacitating nausea that I got last time (though there have been a few of those days) but I have definitely made friends with the toilet. I'm trying to keep my head up and remember that it doesn't last forever. I have also been feeling a lot more tired. I have a lot of respect for moms with many children. I feel like I for sure can't last as long in the day as Dex. Then, when I need to sit for a bit and can't play I feel so guilty. There has to be some way to get some energy back. Any ideas? I haven't been feeling lightheaded though, so that is a good thing.

I had an appointment to go see the Dr this week. To make a long story short, it didn't happen. To try not to get into an angry place... we'll just say that my benefits didn't kick in exactly when they should have. I have now seen my temporary health insurance card... so back to square one next week. Hopefully we'll be able to work something out soon to check this little baby out.

Declan is so cute. I ask him what is in my belly and he says "baby". He then proceeds to kiss my belly and say "hot!" because I'm assuming it is a little warm from being covered up all day. He talks so much and does so many things. I can't believe how much he grows every day. He walks around the house with a mission. He goes in and out of rooms, opening and closing the doors and saying "Hello" and "Bye Bye" when entering and exiting. The other day he was eating a piece of cheese that was on a napkin (we were having a picnic at the park) and he caught the napkin as well as the cheese. Logan was amazed that he was old enough to understand the difference and work to manipulate his fingers to separate them before eating anything. I watch him and am in awe of how fast he is growing up. I hold him in my lap and appreciate every second because somewhere in the back of my mind I am ten years down the road and pining for him to love me with as much passion as he does now.

I am a lucky mommy and I am a lucky wife.

Tuesday, January 4, 2011

On the pregnancy

So far things have been going pretty smoothly. For the first few weeks I really didn't feel any different at all. (Except for the inevitable leaping of bra sizes.) On New Year's Eve I discovered my first bought of "morning" (read; ALL AFTERNOON/EVENING/NIGHT) sickness. It was interesting to throw up three separate times on a national drinking holiday while consuming absolutely no alcohol at all, obviously. I've been a little sick on and off. It's hard to not get too down about it. I was so sick last time, that I just get pretty scared that it's going to be the same.

Hopefully not. Hopefully it will pass much sooner. I have also been experiencing some dizziness/faintness every so often. I didn't have that at all last time. I don't know if I can help it by eating? Drinking more water? Any ladies out there have this problem and know a solution? There is the obvious fatigue. I'm so ready to pass out right now, and I'm not going to lie... just had the biggest momfail. I pretty much just put on a movie before Dex's bedtime so he would be distracted and I could halfheartedly try to snooze a little. I know. Bad.

I have my first Dr appointment on Thursday where we will do the initial confirmation and ultrasound and such. I can't wait to see the little one. I'm hoping that going will assuage any doubts that are in the back of my mind, and seeing it will make the whole thing more real.

In other news... current cravings: California rolls (with everything cooked, I promise!), French Onion dip, salads, soup (though it's never as satisfying as I want it to be), and queso (though that's all the time)

Current aversions: Housework (haha), anything too heavy, the smell of cigarettes like whoa, bananas, and we'll see if anything else comes up.

Monday, January 3, 2011

Happy New Year!

The last couple weeks have been pretty crazy. Dex and I traveled cross country to go visit our friends and family back on the East Coast. It was my first time flying with him by myself (yikes!) and despite the double ear infection and croup... we ended up having a good time and getting to see lots of people.

I'll do a longer post later, but I just wanted to check back in with the blogging world since it's been so long. Logan and I have the day off together to try to get as many errands done as possible while Dex reorients himself with school. Which I'm super sad about. I wish I didn't have to go back to the school/work life. I loved getting to spend so much time with him.

So I suppose I should be off to do things like fold laundry and get ready for our ever-so-exciting trip to the DMV that must be made. But more later.

Happy New Year!!
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