Thankful

Here we sit, the day after Thanksgiving, and I could not be happier. We have been battling a cold of Declan's for the last few days. He stayed home with Grandma and Jill on Tuesday, and we ended up leaving school super early on Wednesday. My poor boy has been way up and way down. The fever has gone between completely normal to 103.5 then back to normal then way back up. It has been pretty bizarre. He seemed as though he was fine Thanksgiving morning, so we went to church and then headed to Jill's for Thanksgiving festivities. Once we got there he went down for a nap. And he slept. Hard and Long. So long that I got to eat my whole meal without having a toddler to chase down and try to keep in a chair long enough for him to eat. Once he was up he pretty much collapsed against my chest and wouldn't do anything except snuggle with me. So less than a half hour later, he went back down.

So Mommy and Daddy got to play Scategories. This repeated once more, except we got him to eat a couple of raspberries before he went back down the next time. Declan pretty much spent between 12:30 and 9:30 sleeping. I felt bad for having an under-the-weather child there, but feel so lucky to have family members that didn't mind and were completely there for us. I guess in the end we all won. Logan and I actually got to participate in hanging out and eating, and Dex got the sleep he needed. Once he finally woke up he seemed to be doing much better. He was actually interacting with people and talking and walking around. He then slept from midnight to 6:15, and 7:30 to 9:45 this morning. He is now fever-free, running around, laughing and talking. It's all good.



This year I have so much to be thankful for. I am thankful to be able to have an adventure in a new place. This is only possible because of all the family I have to be thankful for. They have been there for me every step of the way. Willing to fly here because of the sound they hear in my voice, and fly me and Dex home for Christmas. I'm so thankful for my husband. We have grown so much together. Our relationship is so much stronger than it was a year ago. I am more thankful than I can say for my son. He saved me from a life of partying and teaches me more about love every day. I am thankful for coffee, having a car and a roof over our heads, unpacking clothes, hot showers, chocolate, and cameras. I am thankful for pen pals and cell phones and playgrounds and cuddling. I am thankful for my life and everything it has become.

And I am thankful for everyone that cares enough about us to read this blog.

One of my favorite poems

The Invitation by Oriah

It doesn’t interest me
what you do for a living.
I want to know
what you ache for
and if you dare to dream
of meeting your heart’s longing.

It doesn’t interest me
how old you are.
I want to know
if you will risk
looking like a fool
for love
for your dream
for the adventure of being alive.

It doesn’t interest me
what planets are
squaring your moon...
I want to know
if you have touched
the centre of your own sorrow
if you have been opened
by life’s betrayals
or have become shrivelled and closed
from fear of further pain.

I want to know
if you can sit with pain
mine or your own
without moving to hide it
or fade it
or fix it.

I want to know
if you can be with joy
mine or your own
if you can dance with wildness
and let the ecstasy fill you
to the tips of your fingers and toes
without cautioning us
to be careful
to be realistic
to remember the limitations
of being human.

It doesn’t interest me
if the story you are telling me
is true.
I want to know if you can
disappoint another
to be true to yourself.
If you can bear
the accusation of betrayal
and not betray your own soul.
If you can be faithless
and therefore trustworthy.

I want to know if you can see Beauty
even when it is not pretty
every day.
And if you can source your own life
from its presence.

I want to know
if you can live with failure
yours and mine
and still stand at the edge of the lake
and shout to the silver of the full moon,
“Yes.”

It doesn’t interest me
to know where you live
or how much money you have.
I want to know if you can get up
after the night of grief and despair
weary and bruised to the bone
and do what needs to be done
to feed the children.

It doesn’t interest me
who you know
or how you came to be here.
I want to know if you will stand
in the centre of the fire
with me
and not shrink back.

It doesn’t interest me
where or what or with whom
you have studied.
I want to know
what sustains you
from the inside
when all else falls away.

I want to know
if you can be alone
with yourself
and if you truly like
the company you keep
in the empty moments.

By Oriah © Mountain Dreaming,
from the book The Invitation
published by HarperONE, San Francisco,
1999 All rights reserved

Fulfillment

So I haven't been on here a super ton because I've been feeling really low creatively for awhile. I feel as though things in our lives are settling down for the most part and our routine is coming together, but I still feel as though I'm missing something. My job is fine and to me it seems like the best solution for childcare (since I get a discount), but it is not what drives me. I feel as though I have lost a lot of my confidence and a lot of my passion. I'm really not sure that passion lays with teaching anymore, but I don't quite know how to figure out my next step.

I guess I feel as though I'm stuck in a bit of a rut. Maybe I need to find some sort of class or club or something to do once a week. Just something to break me out of this boring space that I'm in. Something to help me figure out where to go next to find more fulfillment.

Adventures

So the internet will be back in full force as of next week, making this easier to keep up with. We have been a busy little family recently. I am so excited to have had so many adventures and even more are coming up.

Last weekend we went to Dallas. While we were there we visited Logan's family and friends. Declan had a blast. Logan's stepmom showed Declan how to start using a violin and it was absolutely amazing to see him be so interested in playing an instrument. It sent my mind off in daydreams about what he will be one day. We also had a great time hanging out with Jenny and Abby. We slept over their house on Saturday. There was a great family dinner, and lots of playing and giggling between the two cousins. We stayed up much too late playing horses and watching movies and eating popcorn. It was so nice to have Declan have another kid to run around with, ensuring my thoughts that there needs to be another child along the way.

We spent the next couple of days going to work and school and recuperating from the lack of sleep from the weekend. Declan now loves going to school. He has learned to say "Jacquie," his teacher's name, and loves to blow everyone kisses as he shouts "bye bye" at them.

Tomorrow Logan's mom comes to town so even more adventures are surely on their way.

And the even bigger news is that in a month Declan and I will be taking a trip home! Two weeks on the East Coast for these two. So everyone at home that reads this... get ready.

Saturday

Today was a day full of those little things that make life worth it. It was a gorgeous day that started out chilly enough for a sweater, but turned out sunny with just a hint of crispness in the air. Declan woke up super early, but nicely went down for an early morning nap so we got to sleep in. We went to his cousin's fourth birthday party and had a nice time with family and other kiddos. Then we came home to a daddy that unfortunately had to miss the party because of work and went out to lunch with Austin. We finished the night with much family chilling and cuddles and movie watching.

All in all, a pretty great, calm day. Just what the doctor ordered. Also... it's 9pm and I'm so ready for more cuddles and sleep. This whole classroom to myself/ full time mom thing is wearing me down. In a good way. Especially when I get good days like today to replenish my spirits.

Happy Halloween!

So, This Halloween was absolutely perfect. Declan had a great time at school on Friday Trick-or-Treating down the halls and learning what grabbing candy and shoving it in a bag was all about. Unfortunately he ate a chocolate cupcake in his white toga (white costumes for toddlers = momfail) so I had to do some quick thinking and decided just to turn it around. It didn't turn out 100% like I wanted, but hopefully next year he'll actually stand still and try it on for five seconds so I don't just have to guess at EVERY measurement. Probably not. I guess we'll have to see. 

On the actual Halloween, Logan had to work so Declan and I spent the morning lounging and he spent a good amount of the afternoon deciding not to nap. He finally fell asleep, took a nice little nap, and we headed over to our new friend's house for a little Halloween party. I guess I was expecting more of an actual Halloween party, but what I got was even better. Rather than a million kids dressed up and a spooky house or whatever a Halloween party entails, it was just a nice family get-together. Of course there were delicious cupcakes and candy galore, but mostly it was just a family hanging out. There was a mini game of cornhole, and kickball. It felt a little like being home. While it made me miss my family a little, I feel like something inside me got partially filled up. 

Declan was adorable as a little Roman man, though without his laurel wreath (that he wore for all of thirty seconds... that is a while of taking time to sew taken out of my life) he may or may not have been mistaken for a little girl in a dress? I don't know. I think he was cute. We walked along the streets with two double strollers, kids in tow, and Declan rode in his "Chariot" from house to house learning to walk up the drive and say "Tri Tri" and grab candy. It was so precious to see him actually caring and learning what it was all about.

Even Daddy got into the Halloween spirit!