Ch-ch-ch-ch-changes

There have been many changes since my last post. First, I will apologize for how long it has been. Due to these changes, I have really not had any time or internet to get any posts up. (Including now… this post is being written with hopes to get it up soon.)

I guess I’ll start with the basics. We are all doing well. Busy and slightly stressed, but good. I am now 27 weeks pregnant, meaning I am entering my third trimester. I have no idea how I’ve gotten this far along! I went to a Dr. appointment on Monday and fully expected to go back in another month. Instead I was told to go back in three weeks for my 30 week check-up and then every two weeks after that. What? Didn’t I just take a look at those little lines appearing? How am I at that point? But anyway… Still feeling well. Slight heartburn occasionally, but other than that still going strong. I’ve gained a total of 15 pounds so far. I feel my hormones taking over occasionally, but nothing like last time. (Sorry to Logan and the other two members of the tri-force for bearing the brunt of most of that).

Now on to the changes. There have been two major changes in the last few weeks. One is that we are in the process of moving. Due to some issues of safety (don’t worry, noone was hurt, but we are going to make sure that stays that way), we decided a quick change of venue was in order. So, we are now taking it slightly slow and getting our stuff over to a new apartment. Meaning dealing with not ever having everything I need, and often not staying at the same place as Logan. It has been easier for him to be closer to work for the moment of having one car, which makes sense in our heads but is hard to do for sure.

The other change is that I have officially given my two weeks at my job and taken another position. I will (and have already started) be a personal assistant/ office manager for a woman that owns her own business. I am really excited about the change. It will be nice to have a job that isn’t on my feet and is different from what I have been doing for the last few years. It also allows us to work a schedule around Logan’s work schedule so our child(ren!) will be able to stay home with one of us and not have to go to daycare.

I’m really looking forward to seeing where this all takes us, but for now am working two jobs, moving, watching Declan quite a bit by myself and entering my third trimester. It is a lot, but I feel strangely more motivated when kept busier. It is sort of like working full time and taking three grad school classes while in my first trimester with Dex. It just makes me feel less sedentary to have a super full plate. I hope that feeling continues and doesn’t turn into being too overwhelmed!

I have faith. That it will all work out. 

And just because I haven't posted any in awhile... there are tons more, but no time right now!

Love for Mommy and "baby brudder" 

Post bath hair. Look how long it is!

My Real Mother's Day Post

So it's a few days late, but better late than never, right? (oohh... that's a good mom-ism for a starter right there). I guess I wanted to put out there some of my thoughts on mother-hood. 

I think that I always knew I would be a mother. Somewhere inside of me has always been a soul longing to nurture others. I was always a babysitter, playing teacher or making sure the little kids didn't get into trouble. So there wasn't a whole lot changed when I actually became a mother. I think it is more that something in me awoke. Every day I take time to stop and really look at this little being that was once a part of me. I like to think that since we spent so much time together, that part of our souls will always be intertwined. 

I can't believe how fast he has grown and how much time already feels like it has slipped away for me to teach him everything I want to teach him. I want him to be a gentleman. I want him to have a strong work ethic. To know that being happy is more important than having money. To wait until he is married and has a job he loves to have babies. To have babies. I want him to love life with all that he has. I want him to laugh. I want him to be independent but to know that family comes first. I want him to respect his elders and to know how to behave around different audiences. To understand the meaning of tact. I want to take the best qualities out of everyone I know and love and inject it into his spirit. 

Being a mother has taught me how true the cliche of a heart that expands much past its original size is. I never knew I could love with this capacity. How hard it is to discipline the one you love. To know that sometimes those tears are going to be caused by you, even though all you want to do it wrap him into your arms and make it all better. I long for him when he's not there. Even when I've had enough. 

I now understand real, true, and complete love. 

 Photo credit: Daddy

And we were lucky enough this Mother's Day weekend to have a visit from my mom. AKA Gramby. (Or "Gammy" in Dex speak). We pretty much spent the weekend just spending time together and not doing a whole lot. Par for the course of being anywhere near my mom, Dex got sick. Luckily in this case it just meant a fever and much more cuddling than usual. I'm pretty upset that I didn't have my camera when we actually were out and about. We went to the playground, rode the train, and went out to eat. Dex got to play hooky from school and go to the zoo with Gramby. It was really nice for everyone to get to spend some time together.

Not My Mother's Day Post

So guys, I guess I'll apologize in advance. This particular post is not my Mother's Day post. That will come to follow, especially since I'm lucky enough to have spent Mother's Day with my Mom in town. However, on this particular day my thoughts about celebrations are slightly skewed.

One year ago today I had a miscarriage. On that day, it was Mother's Day. I have quite gotten over the shock and the majority of the grief, but I'm not sure if I will ever completely get over the fact that I lost a child that was growing in me. It's not something I think about every day, but last night and today I felt the sadness of not knowing that life that was entangled with mine. I know that I am pregnant again, and everything is going smoothly this time... but that doesn't rule out my lost little soul.

How I wish that things were different. How I wish I could be holding that tiny body right now. It's really hard to hear that it all happened for some reason or another. It was whoever's plan for things to turn out this way. That doesn't make it hurt less. I have put on my big girl boots and moved on, but the anniversary (plus the pregnancy hormones) is making today a little rough. And I think I deserve for that not to be downplayed for just being the way that it needs to be. It may or may not have been in my life plan but that doesn't make it suck any less.

Things will carry on. As usual. And I will move on, and my thoughts will drift away once again. And maybe next year I will feel the same, or maybe I will feel completely different. But for this year...

Thinking of you, my tiny soul. Thinking of how you were once part of me. Thinking of what-ifs and what-could-bes.

Here's to you.

Sneak Peak

Just a couple pics from the new camera. Nothing special really yet, but a tiny start.

25 Weeks

Sorry, no picture yet. I promise I'll get one up soon because...

I got a new camera!!!

I have been saving for over a year, and haven't spent my graduation, christmas, or birthday money yet. I've been waiting for this day and I finally decided to go for it. I can't wait to open the box (after I know Dex is fully asleep and I won't get interrupted) and start playing with it.

I'm still feeling well. My belly still isn't huge at all, and I hear all the time about how not pregnant I look. But everything measured absolutely fine at the last appointment. At 22 1/2 weeks I had gained 10 pounds so far and my belly was measuring 22 1/2 cm. Which is perfect. And there was a perfect heartbeat. So... I'm absolutely fine!!

I'm starting to feel the pregnancy a little bit. I feel a little stretching from time to time. NOTHING like last time. My ankles are also starting to feel the weight a little. It's getting harder to be on my feet for eight hours. Also my back sometimes aches just a little. Other than that things are going just peachy keen. (Oh yeah, and I am definitely counting down to real coffee haha)

We have been starting to get into Spring cleaning mode a little. We rearranged our room and I'm so excited to have things shaken up a little bit. Yes I know... it's sad when that is shaking things up. But hey... a start is a start, right?