Monday, September 27, 2010
I really don't like saying this out loud because that makes me responsible for it. It makes me put it out there that I am aware of how selfish I am and if I know about it then I should probably change it and not just let it go on as I sit there oblivious. I work hard, I try my best to do good for those around me, and a lot of times I feel as though that makes me deserve more than others. While I know sometimes it gets put upon other people... Logan for sure gets the most directed his way. Our relationship was started while I was working full time, taking three grad classes and just newly pregnant. This meant that a lot of his time and effort went to making things easier for me and I think I grew pretty dependent on him getting up to turn the light off and walking down the street in the snow to get me donuts.
A lot of times I just sit there and think of how tired I am, and how hard I've been working and how I deserve a break from watching Declan. The problem is that now Logan works just as hard, is up when I'm up and is watching Declan too. I hate saying this, but it is really hard for me to put his needs first. I wish it came easier!! I want to make him happy, and I want to make his life easier, and I want that to be second nature to me. I guess for now I just need to be aware of myself and my selfish nature.
I will work on it and try to put others first. Logan- I'm sorry that I'm selfish. I love you very much. (And I know you love me even through my selfishness... <3 )
Day 01 → Something you hate about yourself.
Day 02 → Something you love about yourself.
Day 03 → Something you have to forgive yourself for.
Day 04 → Something you have to forgive someone for.
Day 05 → Something you hope to do in your life.
Day 06 → Something you hope you never have to do.
Day 07 → Someone who has made your life worth living for.
Day 08 → Someone who made your life hell, or treated you like shit.
Day 09 → Someone you didn’t want to let go, but just drifted.
Day 10 → Someone you need to let go, or wish you didn’t know.
Day 11 → Something people seem to compliment you the most on.
Day 12 → Something you never get compliments on.
Day 13 → A band or artist that has gotten you through some tough ass days. (write a letter.)
Day 14 → A hero that has let you down. (letter)
Day 15 → Something or someone you couldn’t live without, because you’ve tried living without it.
Day 16 → Someone or something you definitely could live without.
Day 17 → A book you’ve read that changed your views on something.
Day 18 → Your views on gay marriage.
Day 19 → What do you think of religion? Or what do you think of politics?
Day 20 → Your views on drugs and alcohol.
Day 21 → (scenario) Your best friend is in a car accident and you two got into a fight an hour before. What do you do?
Day 22 → Something you wish you hadn’t done in your life.
Day 23 → Something you wish you had done in your life.
Day 24 → Make a playlist to someone, and explain why you chose all the songs. (Just post the titles and artists and letter)
Day 25 → The reason you believe you’re still alive today.
Day 26 → Have you ever thought about giving up on life? If so, when and why?
Day 27 → What’s the best thing going for you right now?
Day 28 → What if you were pregnant or got someone pregnant, what would you do?
Day 29 → Something you hope to change about yourself. And why.
Day 30 → A letter to yourself, tell yourself EVERYTHING you love about yourself
Thirty days of truth and getting to know me. Even in just looking at this list I have put mental blocks in front of some of the answers. It's hard to be completely honest, especially in a public situation. So we'll see what happens. You will get to know me better and maybe I'll get to know myself better in the end.
I don't want to jinx myself seeing as how my last job went. But this job already has paperwork for me and copies of my license so I already have a better feeling about it. I got a job working full time (yay!) as a Lead Floater at a pre-school. I start training tomorrow and start working at the school on Wednesday. The great news is that Declan can go there for a huge discount. He started this morning. His teacher seems really nice and he seemed happy. No tears (today anyway) when we left. I'm nervous, but I know that he will be fine. The last place was just so terrible at transitioning him in, and I think it left minor scars on both of us. I'm happy that we're in a much better situation.
We are getting settled in our place even though we only have a month left there. I am so grateful to have our own place right now, but it will be nice when we have somewhere for longer where we can actually unpack. Our next week is the start of so many visitors! Logan's mom is coming this weekend, Dan will be here for a week starting next Wednesday and then my mom is coming for the long weekend starting next Friday. I'm pretty psyched to get a big dose of family time.
Saturday, September 25, 2010
Thursday, September 23, 2010
So I tried to come over and use the coffee shop with three boys in tow. Logan is helping Austin move and they brought Dex with us to get coffee while I attempted to solve problems. I finally pseudo-solved them, but not really and decided to go home. After another call to Wheelock I decided to try something else online, which meant another trek back to the coffee shop with all my bags and Declan by myself because now the boys are off and moving. I maybe, hopefully solved it?
I am so lucky to have a good child. He has been amusing himself by shaking the bottle of Tylenol he found in my purse, being spun in the chair next to me, drinking his juice and trying to unlock the vintage luggage that is on display near us. All in all, a hopefully successful internet trip... but more successful in helping me to realize once again what a lucky Mommy I am.
Monday, September 20, 2010
Saturday, September 18, 2010
*Written yesterday, but due to lack of internet... posted a day late
So I had a job interview today. I applied online yesterday and got a call later that afternoon. They wanted to meet with me today, so I figured that they were pretty interested. I got myself pumped up and knew that even though it was only a part-time assistant job at a Montessori school, I had it. I know what I’m doing and I know what I’m talking about. I have pretty much ate, slept and breathed toddlers for the last three years.
I get to the interview a few minutes early, get sat down in the office and told that they would be with me in ten minutes. OK. When one of the women gets into the room she puts down a stack of paper with my resume on top. This is a physical representation of all the people I am up against. Not only that, but they had scheduled another interview for the exact same time as me. They sat her down in another room, chatted about their school and barely asked me any questions. After talking to me for about five minutes, the first woman (who had left) came back and asked the other woman if she was done with me. When I mentioned I had a son, I immediately knew it was the kiss of death. I was told there was no room for him, and it didn’t really seem as though there was urgency about getting back to me.
It’s frustrating knowing that I have experience, I have education, and I still get shut down for jobs. I felt as though I was just one of many put onto a conveyor belt. They were waiting for the right one to pass by them to give the green light to. Employers have the complete upper hand. I want to work hard. I want to be challenged. I would just like the opportunity to get paid for it instead of spending my entire work time just job hunting with no results.
On the other hand, I found a pair of overalls for Declan today. He looked super cute and I am constantly amazed at how he becomes more of a little person every day.