Thursday, December 16, 2010

And Three Becomes Four

So I guess I've been debating on whether or not to post this so soon. However, since the cat is pretty much out of the bag with family and friends (and that probably means most people that read this haha) I guess I'll say it here too...

I'm pregnant! Pretty early on. About six weeks, due mid-August. Now, I know that there are a lot of reasons not to go spouting this all over the world yet. However, since I know a lot about these reasons from both friends' experiences and my own, I realized that if something does go wrong... I would rather have the support that I ended up having last time. I was trying to wait until Christmas to start telling people, but I got too excited. I wanted to wait until Mother's Day to tell my mom last time... but that didn't turn out so well. So I decided to not wait. I would just let it out.

The honest truth is that I'm pretty scared. The first time I got pregnant, it was a surprise, everything was fine and normal and I had a healthy (albeit a little pukey) pregnancy. Then it happened again and after knowing for less than a week, that life that I had already grown so attached to was snatched away from me in front of my eyes. While I have known for about a week and a half now, I HATE to admit it, but I kind of feel like I'm waiting for it to be taken away from me again. I know that is not the way to think at all, and it's not at all every second of the day... but it's there for sure. Every time I go to the bathroom I hold my breath while looking to see if there is any blood (which obviously there hasn't been). I have felt some symptoms, but nothing severe. While I obviously don't WANT severe symptoms, without them and feeling normal- I feel as though this may not be happening. That was one of the biggest reasons I told people. I wanted to make sure it was real.

It has been really scary telling people. I have gotten good feedback for the most part, and while I know other people's opinions shouldn't matter... it was scary to think they might have nervous thoughts based on last time. I'm not sure when or if I'll get over the fear of losing the baby. I know of people that have lost their baby so far into their pregnancy. My health insurance kicks in at the start of the year, so I'll be able to go to the doctor after that... though there isn't too much they can do if anything were to happen anyway. Last time the only help I got from them was a lot of bills.

I promise that while this sounds pretty down, I really am positive about the whole thing. Logan is so excited. He loves putting his hand on my belly even though there isn't any change, and Dex is learning to kiss the baby. Even though I'm sure he has absolutely no idea what he is doing. I'm taking care of myself, we're all eating healthy, and I'm excited to have a two week vacation starting tomorrow! Today was technically my last day of work, but I need to go in and work on paperwork tomorrow since there is never any time with the kiddos around. We get to go to Declan's Holiday party, and I was JUST appointed the class mom, so I need to try to get my act together with that! So there is lots to do and then time to jump on a plane and see everyone back home.

**Sorry if this is the way you are finding out about number two and you didn't hear in person! We tried to make sure people knew!!

*** Love to all!

1 comment:

  1. Obviously I am thrilled for you. <3 I think all the feelings you are having are completely normal. I've got you and the fam in my thoughts and hope this pregnancy goes as smoothly though perhaps less pukey than your one with Declan.

    You are a rockstar mama and baby number two is so so lucky!


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