Wednesday, October 13, 2010

Day 3- Something You Have to Forgive Yourself For

I have been terrible with this 30 days thing. I thought it would be a good chance for some introspection, but then the lack of internet and addition of family made it harder to sit by myself and think. Even now I am only on my lunch break, so this can't get as much attention as I would like.

Something I need to forgive myself for is my drunken behavior. This pertains mostly to the past, but I had a pretty big slip recently. I have apologized to those around me and seem to be forgiven by them, but I need to forgive myself. It makes me sick to my stomach to think of ALL the mistakes I have made due to alcohol. It ran most of my relationships with men, affected my relationships with friends and family, and I sometimes wonder how it is possible that worse things didn't happen to me.

I know that even though it may not have happened in the way I had planned, but having Declan probably saved me. It made me do a complete turnaround with my life. I stopped drinking (for 99% of the time) and started actually being responsible.

I have done well for myself, and I think that I am now a good example for my child. I am not proud of a lot of the things that I have done, but I need to forgive myself, learn, and move on.

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