Down

I wish I knew why I feel the way I do right now.

Things in my life are fine. Logan and I are good, we both have stable jobs and are stable financially, we are able to take care of our son in all the ways that we can, and it was an absolutely gorgeous day out today.

Why am I so sad?

The past couple of days I have just felt so down. I don't know if it's because I am putting myself in the shoes of one of my friends too much. I don't know if it's just the end of school looming nearer, and not knowing what I'm going to do after. Maybe the fact that the decision to move to Texas is coming nearer and I'm so nervous about thinking about it. I was already a little down when I spoke to someone on the phone yesterday. I really want to watch what I say here, because I love the person very much and don't want to say anything I would regret... but they hurt my feelings a lot. I felt as though they were belittling my accomplishments in graduating with my Master's. I felt as though my special moment was nothing, and that I was being called selfish for thinking that I was special. I was told that was saying that I was better than other people and that they were below me.

That is not how I feel at all. Can't you feel special without thinking that there are people below you? Don't you want all of your children, friends, brothers, spouses... to feel as though they are special. You obviously think that they are special. You probably tell them they are special and they deserve the world. Why does that change if they start to believe you?

I think that in the last two years I have worked pretty hard. I worked full time the whole time, took three classes in my first trimester of being pregnant, two classes while having a newborn and planning a wedding, and three classes with an under one year old and a husband that works most nights and weekends. Don't I deserve a day to feel special, up on a pedestal so that I can shine and think of myself for just a moment? Is that so wrong?