Saturday, May 15, 2010

One second at a time

Today was a good day. Declan and I spent the day in the city with my friend Jessica. We took an adventure on the T (Declan's first time) and went to the Public Gardens and took a ride on the swan boats. Declan pretty much spent the whole time dying to get into the pond. Unfortunately I had to deny him.

It was good to keep busy.

Yesterday was graduation day. I really with that I could say that I was excited for my big day to celebrate my accomplishment, but it took a lot out of me. It was pretty stressful. I was having a hard morning... it was hard to get myself out of the cave in my head when I was stuck in my cave at home. Logan said something pretty insensitive and I got upset and everything blew up. It is really hard because there is such a big difference in the way that all of this affects boys and girls. He can get over it because it happened and then he can think of other things and move on. It is so different for women.

I don't get to move on so quickly. Both my body and mind are still being affected. I was bleeding for days (I think I'm finally maybe possibly done), had cramps, and a major backache. I have the mental image of my baby coming out of me and then dealing with having to get rid of it. My body was just pregnant and now it's not, so my hormones are super out of whack. It is exhausting and really hard for me to deal with.

And it is really hard for him to deal with me when he doesn't understand what I'm going through. He apologized and I tried to explain what is happening in my head. We worked things out and I ended up walking at graduation and things were fine. So things continue on and we both continue healing each other and ourselves. One day at a time, one hour at a time, one minute at a time, one second at a time. Whatever it takes.

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