HEY YOU GUYS

HEY GUYS!!! We finally have internet again!!!! So happy to be back in the game. I can't believe that it's been almost a month since my last post. Soooo many things have changed.

We have a new home, I have a new job, we have an entirely new routing for Dex, and oh yeah, I've hit that third trimester. 30 weeks by now actually. I feel as though I'm almost living a new life.

However, in this new life, we have been doing a lot of settling. Today was the last day in my first full week of new job/ half-time stay at home mama. (The other half of the time is Logan being a stay at home dad!)

So I'm a little tuckered to try to start a full update. It is to come for sure. I also hear that wonderful door, meaning my two year old is up from his nap. More to come soon, I promise! But for now... I need to go and smother my boy in wake up kisses.

Ch-ch-ch-ch-changes

There have been many changes since my last post. First, I will apologize for how long it has been. Due to these changes, I have really not had any time or internet to get any posts up. (Including now… this post is being written with hopes to get it up soon.)

I guess I’ll start with the basics. We are all doing well. Busy and slightly stressed, but good. I am now 27 weeks pregnant, meaning I am entering my third trimester. I have no idea how I’ve gotten this far along! I went to a Dr. appointment on Monday and fully expected to go back in another month. Instead I was told to go back in three weeks for my 30 week check-up and then every two weeks after that. What? Didn’t I just take a look at those little lines appearing? How am I at that point? But anyway… Still feeling well. Slight heartburn occasionally, but other than that still going strong. I’ve gained a total of 15 pounds so far. I feel my hormones taking over occasionally, but nothing like last time. (Sorry to Logan and the other two members of the tri-force for bearing the brunt of most of that).

Now on to the changes. There have been two major changes in the last few weeks. One is that we are in the process of moving. Due to some issues of safety (don’t worry, noone was hurt, but we are going to make sure that stays that way), we decided a quick change of venue was in order. So, we are now taking it slightly slow and getting our stuff over to a new apartment. Meaning dealing with not ever having everything I need, and often not staying at the same place as Logan. It has been easier for him to be closer to work for the moment of having one car, which makes sense in our heads but is hard to do for sure.

The other change is that I have officially given my two weeks at my job and taken another position. I will (and have already started) be a personal assistant/ office manager for a woman that owns her own business. I am really excited about the change. It will be nice to have a job that isn’t on my feet and is different from what I have been doing for the last few years. It also allows us to work a schedule around Logan’s work schedule so our child(ren!) will be able to stay home with one of us and not have to go to daycare.

I’m really looking forward to seeing where this all takes us, but for now am working two jobs, moving, watching Declan quite a bit by myself and entering my third trimester. It is a lot, but I feel strangely more motivated when kept busier. It is sort of like working full time and taking three grad school classes while in my first trimester with Dex. It just makes me feel less sedentary to have a super full plate. I hope that feeling continues and doesn’t turn into being too overwhelmed!

I have faith. That it will all work out. 

And just because I haven't posted any in awhile... there are tons more, but no time right now!

Love for Mommy and "baby brudder" 

Post bath hair. Look how long it is!

One week!

One week until we are boarding that plane and heading East. I'm so excited (even though I'm sure that sounds like a broken record by now). I'm trying to travel without a lot (because I know that our warm clothes will take up my whole bag) but I have some GREAT ideas for some gifts to make once I'm there. Surprises, surprises.

I also really can't wait to show everyone how much bigger Dex is. He seriously astounds me every day in how much more he can do. I kind of really wish I was able to have him in a Montessori environment at this age. He would do so well with a more structured daily environment. I know that where he is now, everyone is doing the best that they can, but I hate how high the ratio is. It makes it so hard for the teachers to spend quality time with the kids. There is also such a "Mine, mine, mine" feeling around the classroom. That is not at all the case in Montessori. He would definitely do well with having his own work and learning to be patient and peaceful. Who knows what our next step will be, but perhaps in that direction.

Our apartment is slowly coming together. We have more ingredients in our kitchen and more furniture. However, shelves would be awesome. Our living room has no furniture which means nowhere to put our stuff! Freecycle, Craigslist, and yardsales are becoming our new best friends. I'm working on getting a new SD card and researching new cameras, so that soon I can post pics. (Also working on cleaning up messes constantly)

Now that we are more settled, both have jobs, and have a place to live, I'm thinking more about how to get to where I want to be. I'm really not fulfilled at my job, and as scary as it is to really think about... I think that teaching might not be the place for me. I have been scared into staying in the same type of profession for the last few years, but really need a change. I am so grateful for the discounted child care, but with having my Master's... I feel as though I can do something more. I'm just not sure what that more is. My really silly wish is that I could get a nice camera and see if that could lead me to taking portraits. However, I don't have a nice camera (and only so much money that could be put towards it) and don't really know very much about professional photography. I also think that it would be awhile before that could take off enough to help support my family. Just a silly wish I guess.

However, people that know anything about cameras... any advice on what I might want to take a look at/ what I should be looking for in a camera?


See all those at home soon! Hugs from the Hardages!

Jobs!

Soooo... the big news is that both Logan and I have jobs now! I think I posted about his job before, but he is working at a coffee shop across the street. The owners are really nice and it is a super laid back environment. He is happy and it is nice for him to be back in the game.

I don't want to jinx myself seeing as how my last job went. But this job already has paperwork for me and copies of my license so I already have a better feeling about it. I got a job working full time (yay!) as a Lead Floater at a pre-school. I start training tomorrow and start working at the school on Wednesday. The great news is that Declan can go there for a huge discount. He started this morning. His teacher seems really nice and he seemed happy. No tears (today anyway) when we left. I'm nervous, but I know that he will be fine. The last place was just so terrible at transitioning him in, and I think it left minor scars on both of us. I'm happy that we're in a much better situation.

We are getting settled in our place even though we only have a month left there. I am so grateful to have our own place right now, but it will be nice when we have somewhere for longer where we can actually unpack. Our next week is the start of so many visitors! Logan's mom is coming this weekend, Dan will be here for a week starting next Wednesday and then my mom is coming for the long weekend starting next Friday. I'm pretty psyched to get a big dose of family time.

A Not So Update

There really isn't a whole lot to report. We've been spending our time looking for jobs and apartments. Now the Catch 22 is that we can't really get an apartment without having a job... and it's hard to know where to look for jobs without knowing where we're going to be living.

I feel as though I am stuck in an endless frustrating cycle of applying for jobs and hearing NOTHING back. At this point I don't even know what to do. Applying for jobs online doesn't seem to be working at all. I

I didn't think this would be a problem. Ever. I thought that because I had worked hard enough to get my Master's that I would get a job- no problem. I was pregnant and taking three grad classes and working full time. No sweat. I had three kids under the age of three for over ten hours of my day every day. Practice makes perfect. I was smart enough to graduate several things and had leadership roles in school. I am a hard worker. I can multi-task and can organize.

I just don't know how to actually get a job. I don't mean to be beating a dead horse about this subject, but I wish that they had taught us more real world skills in school. I feel as though I have been in a bubble just doing things that people had been telling me to do for so long... that now I don't know how to just do things on my own. I did the homework they told me to do, signed up for the classes they told me to and now... I don't really know what to do. I am tired of putting in effort for cover letters when it seems as though 99% of companies don't even tell you they got it. Ugh.

Destruction

It feels as though lately we have been taking one step forward and two steps back.

So as of a few days ago I had gotten a job and the apartment search had been looking hopeful. Now, I don't want to get too much into it (because that would turn this into a pretty big rant) but due to scheduling differences between the time they wanted me to stay until and the time of Declan's nap- I am not working at that job anymore. Since I now have no job and Logan still doesn't have a job (and heard a "no" back from Barnes and Noble today) we have no proof of financial stability. This means that since the apartment complex wants some pay stubs or offer letters, getting an apartment will not be as easy.

I was watching a movie last night and they were talking about the goddess of destruction (in India- sorry I don't remember/know how to spell her name). A man (from the US) was asking a native of India why someone would want to have statues of the goddess of destruction around. She explained that sometimes destruction was good because it allowed for new cycles to occur- for new beginnings. Maybe that is what is happening in our lives. The change of scenery wasn't enough. (I am admitting that this is our doing because of our choices, but it's still hard to live with). Our lives are being slowly destroyed. Now, I know that we haven't hit anywhere near rock bottom, and I know that our families wouldn't let us get that far. But, it is really hard to take a step back and realize that although I have my Master's Degree... I can't get a decent job to help support my family (let's face it... working 9-1 and having child care taken out wasn't going to pay the bills) and I don't have a place to live.

I am craving my independence back and am working hard to try and get it. For now I suppose I just need to keep making those steps forward and hope some of them stick.

A job!

Hey there all! Exciting news from the Southern front. Get this... I got a job!! Woo hoo!!

I'll be working part time at a Montessori school, and Declan will be attending their sister school down the street while I'm working. This means money and child care. (Not free but a considerable discount) Yay for us! Now we're working on living stuff and more job stuff, but things are starting to come together. Thank goodness.

But on the flip side... I start tomorrow and Declan starts on Monday. He'll be in a totally different school than me... five minutes down the road. Now, I know it's only for four hours a day or so, but it will still be so different for us. I've had him (with the exception of the two months I went back to work at the other Montessori school) with me since he was born. I know he will be so successful and his independence will soar, but it still gives me little butterflies in my stomach to even think about being away from him so much. This is only the beginning of our lives apart.

Job Hunting

Job hunting is the name of the game these days. My vacation time while my mom was here is over. It's time to knuckle down and find a way to get some income so we can live on our own again. I have applied for countless jobs online and have heard back from three. Then those three dropped off the face of the planet after one email. Even though I replied. So hopefully it is true that now that I'm here it will all become easier. We'll see.

Yesterday I went and dropped off my resume at a couple places. One had me fill out an application in the waiting room while I was surrounded by 18 year olds working at their summer camp. Demeaning for someone who has their master's? A little... but I know that I have to do what I have to do for my son. That includes not being able to take just any job. I have to take a job that will be able to help provide me with childcare for him so that I'm not just working to pay for someone else to watch him.

I got a phone call from one of the places that I dropped off my resume. They were unsure of positions due to staff changes, but wanted to talk to me anyway. At the end of the conversation I mentioned that I had a son who would be needing a place in their toddler program. I don't know if this was a smart move or not. Maybe I should have waited until I at least had a job interview. All I know is that their tune promptly changed to "we'll probably get back to you." Wait, what? Probably get back to me? Meaning... you wouldn't even call me to tell me that you aren't interested or don't have a position available? Gotcha. Awesome.

Anyway... Logan had his job interview today so hopefully he'll be in a better place about all this than I am. I know I'm smart, and could excel in a lot of jobs if given the chance. It's the getting a chance part that is making me want to crawl right back under the covers and give up. Oh well... on to fight the good fight again I guess.

To the Stay at Home Moms

OK. So I know it's rude to talk about financial stuff with people and whatever but... I am seriously curious as to how people actually make this stuff work. How do you stay at home moms afford it? Is is that your hubbies/baby daddies make enough to support you? Do you live with them/your parents/other financial supporters? Do you do things on the side to make some cash here and there? Do you work from home? If so... what do you do and how do you do it?

I am finding applying for jobs to be a task that gets harder every day. When every day feels like Saturday and I still have Declan to take care of, and Logan's schedule changes every day... I just can't seem to make myself hide somewhere and sit down and work for hours on cover letters and applications when I have so far heard VERY little back from companies. People my age sympathize and have also had a hard time. People of another generation say that this is just the way that companies work. I guess it's just the way that they work, but why does it have to be this way? I'm not expecting to get things handed to me or have them be easy... but hearing SOMETHING back would be great. I totally understand why people give up. I'm just at the point of wondering if there is some other way to go about this. Can I work from home somehow? Can I make money with odd-jobs or something?

Please... any opinions or comments would be greatly appreciated.

Thanks!

Two Days Left

It feels weird with not blogging in awhile. I've been busy packing and organizing and fighting for any sleep that I can find. Two nights left in this apartment. Two days to finish packing. Ahhh... the etiquette of writing online. I have so many stories of why I am so glad to get out of this apartment, but perhaps should take the high road and keep it to myself (in written form anyway) so as to not offend any future landlords that may find this/ the current ones I have if they even know how to use the internet? Is that being too cautious? Oh well... I suppose too cautious for now annddddd perhaps stories with pseudonyms later? They're pretty good stories. Oh well. We'll see.

There isn't too much to keep everyone informed of. I have entered unemployement/ stay-at-home mom phase. I hate how much pressure there is to get a job. I'm not quite sure how to say what I feel without offending either SAHM's or working moms. I suppose I'll just say that I wish I had the opportunity to enjoy being a SAHM. I feel like the time I have at home will be full of running around and trying to find a job while I wish I could just enjoy the summer and sunshine with my little one. However, I know we're not in the place to be able to do that. I will FOR SURE still enjoy my sunny days with my sunny boy, but I suppose I should just say that I will move onward and upward and not let that little thought of pressure get to me. I will let it drive me to find the perfect situation for our family... but will not let it get me down.

For now I should get back to finding the motivation to get back to packing and not let the bed catch my attention. Oh hello there...

Silence

Silence. Well... silence plus cars driving by and children and dogs somewhere outside. But still... silence. I haven't heard this sound in awhile.

I'm at my mother-in-law's house and she is out with the baby and Logan is out at work. I have been here working on resumes and cover letters and dreading facing the real world and trying to get a real job. However, the silence is nice for the moment. I have been going from grad school to working to taking care of Declan for so long that it's hard to stop and slow down for a minute. It is so nice to not be in school and just be able to enjoy the time I have with my child and family and not be feeling guilty for the papers and reading left on the back-burner.

However, it is not all sunshine and daffodils quite yet. We are on the brink of a change. What that change will be exactly... I'm not sure yet. We are out of our apartment July 1. While I'm excited to get away from the (if-you-don't-have-anything-nice-to-say-don't-say-anything-at-all) landlords, I'm a little nervous because it seems that right now our fate is up in the air. There has been a lot of talk about moving to Texas, but a closer look at our financial situation plus me not having leads on a job (anywhere) yet is causing us to rethink our decision. However, even if we stay in the area we're not sure where to go yet, because job situation stuff may have us leave Newton anyway. So... the deal is that I'm working on getting my professional self together with much help from wonderful family members and taking it one step at a time.

Now, since I have done resume and cover letter work and am waiting to hear opinions from my own personal peanut gallery (no offense intended... thank you so much for your help Zak!) I think I will go and enjoy the silence. I have updates on just how much Declan can get himself into now... but I think that will have to wait.

Job Searching

In thinking about moving at the end of the summer, I've started thinking about getting a new job. Well, I'll have to get a new job anyway since mine will be ending. This has caused me to start taking a look online at what opportunities are out there.

Since I've been trying to focus more on school, I haven't taken a deep look, but in my glancing around I have only found disappointing job sites. I need to find job sites that only have credible job postings. How can a job site not do any research into what it is posting? In the last five minutes I have found at least two scams. Does anyone have any good ideas for websites with good jobs?


In other words...

Yesterday was Declan's first birthday party! There were upwards of 30 family and friends that came to celebrate with us (pictures to come). We had a rockin cowboy time, with delicious food, fun people and yummy cake. While the cake's decorations left something to be desired, the taste is all that matters once it is cut and then it became pretty good.

Declan was a good boy and spent most of the time crawling up and down the stairs since he had so many people around to pay attention to him and follow him everywhere he went. He is SO independent. I know that it is good, and will lead to healthy development... but it makes me pretty tired in the long run!

So, now that the party is over, it's back to focusing on school, playing with the kiddos and getting everything done. At least we have a clean house now (well... mostly. It got a little more messy with all Declan's new treasures).

Clean house= sanity!