Firsts but not Lasts

You guys. Something happened today. Something that just thinking about makes my stomach ball up into a knot, my heart beat a little quicker. Something that, while today was really the first time, is far from being the last.

Someone. A stranger. Was unkind to my child.

It honestly wasn't a big deal. (I'll preface the story by saying that Dex is in a big Wall-E phase right now) We were getting some foam egg shapes so he could create more EVEs. (He already had six, had turned an egg carton into a space ship for them, so obviously needed six more so it could be full) He was up at the counter, gave the cashier his purchase and- as he does- was going on and on about EVE and Wall-E and the foam shapes and the movie and exactly how he was going to draw on the foam and how they didn't have the right size to make a foam Wall-E and... you get the picture. It's hard to imagine he gets enough air in with all the talking sometimes, and she looks right at him and says

"You know I'm not listening, right?"

And my heart stopped. Because- no, he had no freaking clue that she wasn't listening because he was in his own world, but that's NOT the point. Who says that to a four year old? I'm not asking her to listen to him... but in my book, there is zero reason to be unkind to a small child. This time he didn't hear her, but maybe next time he will.

And I'm terrified that he'll want to change a part of himself to fit into her idea of how he should be. And I can't protect him. And while I know this is a pretty big overreaction, especially considering that he didn't even realize anything happened... it makes my heart hurt to know that this is only the beginning of me not being able to protect him.

My boy that when I heard her say that, my only reaction was to get him far away. So I asked him to help me with the store door. And he did. And then he insisted on waiting and holding it open for his dad, too. My boy that when his sister was fussing in the car, put her pacifier in her mouth, and when that didn't work held her hand. And I didn't even know he was doing anything until he said "This silly baby is crying with her binky in her mouth. But she does like holding my hand."

My boy that is far from picture perfect, but is perfect in my eyes. Just the way he is.

I have fears every day about the future and if I'm doing enough to prepare him. I stay up nights thinking about tools I can give him to be successful. He's four.

Because yes, he's four. But the life that I can't protect him from is already showing itself. And I know that I have a lifetime left of alongside all of the wonderful glorious moments, watching my child struggle and get hurt. And even though that's life- I'm not looking forward to it.

Dear So and So

ALSO I forgot

A little rant

Dear person who parked halfway across the driveway,

I'm not sure why you don't understand that you literally parked your car on the street blocking half of our driveway. Did you not see that there was a driveway there? Was the entire street being empty in front of your space just not enough room? I was only home for five minutes for a bathroom break. I don't understand the complete lack of respect for the rules of driving. My car is not a tank. I don't drive over the sidewalk to get to the road. I drive through the break in the sidewalk. Ugh.

Your lucky I didn't call a towtruck,

Kate

Close-minded people

Sometimes I get so tired of all the close-minded people in the world. I think that there are so many people with different thoughts and ideas that it is insane to think that you are the only one that is right. I think that everyone should have their own opinions, and not be afraid to share them with others- if they are willing to listen to other people as well.

Some people think that they are super open-minded, when what they really are is open-minded about BEING open-minded, and don't actually listen to their own advice. They spurt self-help ideas but don't listen when you tell them something. They are so focused on fixing that they don't actually hear you.

Some people spew religious or political ideas thinking that things are black and white and that they know right from wrong. They try to shove their ideas down your throat and close their ears when you try to suggest that things may be a different way than they think. Most of those people probably think that A. I'm going to Hell or B. I have no reason to talk because most of the time I keep quiet about those things anyway. Well, it's because while I have my own opinions... I don't know if they are right. Even if I am sure that I am right, I usually have enough respect for others to let their opinions exist too. I'm not about shutting people down.

It seems to me that these close-minded people end up only being surrounded by people of the same mindset because they lose everyone with a differing opinion. Why would someone try to talk to a person that keeps shutting them down with a smile on their face because they see themselves as "winning"? This is trouble.

I'm not sure if there is anything to be done, because these are the type of people that won't change their mind anyway. I'm just going to surround myself with people of differing opinions that are willing to listen to each other. That doesn't mean that they have to change their minds... but respect for each other would be nice.

Dear Vicky,

Dear Vicky from the pediatricians office,
Thank you so much for being the only person to help me today. You see, we got kicked off of Declan's health insurance in October, and were not informed. We probably got some notice saying that if I failed to send in Declan's birth certificate that we would be kicked off at some point, but since I thought I filled out a paper saying for them to find it because he was born in MA, I thought we were all set. Therefore, I didn't know that we were kicked off and went to the Dr a couple of times in the interim. I wouldn't have done this if I had known we didn't have health insurance.

Now we have a bill of close to $500 for the Dr literally glancing in his ear and declaring he had an ear infection (I knew that one), looking at his hand when it got burned and told me to put bacitracin on it (knew that before I went in too), and his 9 month check up. How they can possibly charge so much for not doing a whole lot I don't quite understand.

Anyway, so Masshealth told me to call Health Safety Net. So I did. And after not being able to get ahold of anyone on the phone for two days, they finally called me back and told me there was nothing they could do to help me because it was a private physician. If I had gone somewhere else they could have helped me. Hello! I wouldn't have gone there if I had known that I wasn't covered in the first place! So... zero help... just attitude.

Also, my ear is killing me. I've had a cold/sinus thing for the last week and it has finally escalated to the point where I'm actually ready to see a Dr. I never go to the Dr. I finally got my paperwork for my health insurance (we are switching to Logan's work insurance in about a month, once he has been full time for three months) with a physician on it. I called them and since I haven't been there before, they can't see me. In fact, not only can they not see me today, but they can't see me for a couple of weeks. I won't be sick still then! And that doesn't help me get better today at all! And I'll be switching health insurance anyway! This is why I don't go to the Dr. It is just so complicated.

So I was in tears. Declan was fighting a nap and was also in tears. I'm pretty sure Logan didn't really know what to do with the two thirds of his family that was breaking down, and I get a phone call from the physician's office. The woman on the phone recognized that I was sick, and was sympathetic. She is going to do her best to try to get some of the costs down, and will call me back on Monday to give me some time to calm down from the whole situation. Thank you. Thank you for being understanding and kind and actually trying to help me out. I wish you knew how much you even realizing that I wasn't feeling well helped.

Sometimes being a grown up really stinks.

Thanks again,
Kate

Dear Car Seat Company,

Dear Safety 1st Car Seat Company,
My son threw up twice in your car seat today. Kids throw up. All the time. It happens. So therefore, I need to wash the covers in my car seat. Since the car seat is pretty new, this was the first time I had to take the cover off. This would have been a lot easier if the manual wasn't COVERED in puke! I think that the placement of the instruction manual being UNDER THE SEAT was not a good idea. When anything... juice, throw up, pee... drips down, it goes RIGHT ON the manual. So I had to try to understand your difficult instructions, which were soaking wet, while trying not to get myself covered in the puke as well. Jeez! It took me about 30 minutes while trying to get my son to stop crawling all over the seat while trying to change it.

Thanks a lot for poor planning,
Kate

P.S. Please send me a new manual to replace my ruined one. K THX BYE