A Not So Update

There really isn't a whole lot to report. We've been spending our time looking for jobs and apartments. Now the Catch 22 is that we can't really get an apartment without having a job... and it's hard to know where to look for jobs without knowing where we're going to be living.

I feel as though I am stuck in an endless frustrating cycle of applying for jobs and hearing NOTHING back. At this point I don't even know what to do. Applying for jobs online doesn't seem to be working at all. I

I didn't think this would be a problem. Ever. I thought that because I had worked hard enough to get my Master's that I would get a job- no problem. I was pregnant and taking three grad classes and working full time. No sweat. I had three kids under the age of three for over ten hours of my day every day. Practice makes perfect. I was smart enough to graduate several things and had leadership roles in school. I am a hard worker. I can multi-task and can organize.

I just don't know how to actually get a job. I don't mean to be beating a dead horse about this subject, but I wish that they had taught us more real world skills in school. I feel as though I have been in a bubble just doing things that people had been telling me to do for so long... that now I don't know how to just do things on my own. I did the homework they told me to do, signed up for the classes they told me to and now... I don't really know what to do. I am tired of putting in effort for cover letters when it seems as though 99% of companies don't even tell you they got it. Ugh.

Destruction

It feels as though lately we have been taking one step forward and two steps back.

So as of a few days ago I had gotten a job and the apartment search had been looking hopeful. Now, I don't want to get too much into it (because that would turn this into a pretty big rant) but due to scheduling differences between the time they wanted me to stay until and the time of Declan's nap- I am not working at that job anymore. Since I now have no job and Logan still doesn't have a job (and heard a "no" back from Barnes and Noble today) we have no proof of financial stability. This means that since the apartment complex wants some pay stubs or offer letters, getting an apartment will not be as easy.

I was watching a movie last night and they were talking about the goddess of destruction (in India- sorry I don't remember/know how to spell her name). A man (from the US) was asking a native of India why someone would want to have statues of the goddess of destruction around. She explained that sometimes destruction was good because it allowed for new cycles to occur- for new beginnings. Maybe that is what is happening in our lives. The change of scenery wasn't enough. (I am admitting that this is our doing because of our choices, but it's still hard to live with). Our lives are being slowly destroyed. Now, I know that we haven't hit anywhere near rock bottom, and I know that our families wouldn't let us get that far. But, it is really hard to take a step back and realize that although I have my Master's Degree... I can't get a decent job to help support my family (let's face it... working 9-1 and having child care taken out wasn't going to pay the bills) and I don't have a place to live.

I am craving my independence back and am working hard to try and get it. For now I suppose I just need to keep making those steps forward and hope some of them stick.

Smiling

Things that are making me smile right now.

5. Declan with TJ the cat. He's so excited to have an animal that will actually let him come over and pet him. He is so gentle and gets so happy.

4. Declan trying new food. He's been doing so much better. I'm a little nervous to have to start making him lunch, but he's been eating a lot more at home.

3. The feeling that anything can happen. What a treat to have a new start. I can't wait to be settled so when people come to visit we can show them around.

2. Watching Declan in the pool. We got him a new inner tube/ bathing suit thing today so he can be more independent and he LOVES it. He can swim from me to Logan and I love watching his legs kick kick kick.

1. The fact that even though it is due to lack of jobs which some may stress most about, I'm more enjoying our family time together. We get to run errands and actually have dinner together. After missing so much time with Logan due to his job, I'm loving it.

A job!

Hey there all! Exciting news from the Southern front. Get this... I got a job!! Woo hoo!!

I'll be working part time at a Montessori school, and Declan will be attending their sister school down the street while I'm working. This means money and child care. (Not free but a considerable discount) Yay for us! Now we're working on living stuff and more job stuff, but things are starting to come together. Thank goodness.

But on the flip side... I start tomorrow and Declan starts on Monday. He'll be in a totally different school than me... five minutes down the road. Now, I know it's only for four hours a day or so, but it will still be so different for us. I've had him (with the exception of the two months I went back to work at the other Montessori school) with me since he was born. I know he will be so successful and his independence will soar, but it still gives me little butterflies in my stomach to even think about being away from him so much. This is only the beginning of our lives apart.

Bath Time for Mommy

Ahhhhh... a nice quiet time for me. I actually get to soak in the tub, by myself, and have some time to think. We had a good day today. There was birthday sendings and Declan got to play in a huge fountain. Then, after nap time, we went to bat fest downtown where the three of us got matching bat tattoos. It was pretty great.

One of the highlights of my day, however exciting the rest of it was, was dinner time. Logan and I have been doing a lot of thinking about Declan's eating habits. We always said that we wanted him to be able to eat anything, and like more things than me. We thought that it was going in a good direction when he was little because he would eat any baby food. As he grew older, he had some aversions to texture so we slowed down a little with trying new foods. It then got to the point that by the time I got home from work, and Logan was closing so he wasn't home, I didn't have the time or the energy to make a meal for Declan and I, especially if I didn't think he would eat it.

It ended up being much easier to make things that I knew he liked, and things that would only take minutes to make. See mac and cheese, grilled cheese, pb and j. Recently we have had a lot more time to have family meals, but since he has been so used to getting the same things that he liked, Declan has been refusing new food. Logan and I decided that this was unacceptable as it is disrespectful to the person that spent time making the food. We feel that he is now old enough to understand this concept. We, however, were absolutely clueless as to how to accomplish this.

Two nights ago Logan made homemade fried rice with brown rice, edamame, broccoli, onions and vegan chicken. It was pretty delish. Declan decided that since it was something different he wasn't going to eat it. We knew that no matter what, the kid wasn't going to starve. If he was hungry enough, he would eat. He decided that wasn't the case and instead threw a fit when we asked him to eat the food. We decided that he needed to be removed from the table if he couldn't sit there appropriately and we put him in his crib. He stayed there for about five minutes and was then invited back to the table to try again. He didn't fuss at all and ate a teeny tiny bite. He said he was all done and we accepted that. We weren't going to force him to eat, but we wanted him to know it wasn't ok to not eat what was put in front of him. He needs to at least try it.

Last night we were all pretty tired by the end of the day, so I just cooked up some sweet potatoes and made him a grilled cheese. He ate both with gusto, which I wasn't surprised about because I knew he liked both. However, tonight he got the rest of the sweet potatoes and then we decided to try the fried rice again. I made myself a bowl and brought it to the table. I cooled off a bit and put it in his bowl. Then... what do you know... he ate it up! He ate up a good amount of it! Now, who knows if this was because he just decided to like it today, or if he was just in a better mood or more hungry or if what we did actually worked but... he ate something different AND he ate so many vegetables! I'm a happy Mama!

Night NIght

I am in love with the fact that in order to get Declan to sleep I had to cuddle him, sing to him, and have our faces so close together. I could feel the love radiating between our gazes. Finally he kept putting his head up, so I asked him if he was all done. He signed for all done. I asked if he was ready to say ByeBye to Mama. He waved ByeBye. I asked if he was ready to go to his crib and he said "Yeah." Then when I put him in his crib he waved Bye to me. How did my little boy grow up this fast already?

The Small Things

Winding down from another pseudo "vacation" day. I did some job searching and applying and such, but we also got a lot of family play time in. I love being able to be with my boys. Yes, I'm slightly stressing about the job and home situation... but I'm also taking time just to love and laugh. In the end I'm pretty sure I'll be more happy that I soaked up those moments than made myself sick with stress.

Logan's cousin-in-law Bryan came over with his kids today. It was nice for Declan to get some playtime in with other kiddos. He had lots of fun showing off his splashing skills in the pool and even attempted to swim on his own (to the terror of Mommy and Daddy). Luckily three grownups can move pretty fast. I applaud all of our reaction timing.

Logan made dinner while I tried to get some odds and ends done and Declan occupied himself by playing with things on the floor. It's really the little things that count. I'm sure that soon enough Logan's job schedule will rip him away once again from family time, so I'm enjoying what I have while I have it.

My First Blog Award

My first Blog Award! Thanks to Nicole at Marine Wife Unplugged!

(Since this is the first time I'm receiving an award... I hope I'm doing this right)

The rules of this award are

1. Thank and link back to the person who gave you the award.

2. Share 7 things about yourself.

3. Pass the award to other bloggers who inspire you (It's supposed to be 9, but that makes it seem a little chain-maily to me... so I'll leave it with whoever inspires you)

4. Let them know about the award.

Sooooo... 7 things about myself

1. If you actually read this then you are well aware that I recently moved to Austin, TX. You may not be aware that while this is my farthest move, it is far from my first. I have moved around 20 times, and my last house was the only place I had lived in for over a year (13 months) since I was a Junior in high school.

2. I had a dog for almost the first half of my life, Timber. He was a brown mutt dog. However, he always seemed like my dad's dog, and not my dog so I almost don't feel as though I ever had a dog.

3. I wish I was more artistic that I actually am.

4. When I became pregnant, I started to be obsessed with any TV show having to do with babies. I watched a lot of Jon and Kate Plus 8 (but have given that up due to all the drama) and love Teen Mom. I like following the girls from the first season (16 and Pregnant) but really hate that they did more than one season because it makes me feel as though girls will get pregnant just to be on the show.

5. Logan was my first real, serious boyfriend. Pretty much everyone else was a mess in the time when my life was a big mess.

6. I spent 6 years of my life getting a degree in something that I'm not sure I want to do anymore.

7. I can say the states in alphabetical order, the alphabet backwards, have a birthmark just below my right knee, and I think my hair is getting more red in the sun.

Bloggers Who Inspire Me

1. My lovely friend Lauren at Before I was a Mom. A dear friend before, during, and after pregnancy.

2. Enjoying the Small Things. I save this for last because reading it is like a bit of dessert.

3. Lullabies to Terrorize. Keeping Mamahood real.

4. Just By Living. Her birth story is unreal.

That's all for now.

Job Hunting

Job hunting is the name of the game these days. My vacation time while my mom was here is over. It's time to knuckle down and find a way to get some income so we can live on our own again. I have applied for countless jobs online and have heard back from three. Then those three dropped off the face of the planet after one email. Even though I replied. So hopefully it is true that now that I'm here it will all become easier. We'll see.

Yesterday I went and dropped off my resume at a couple places. One had me fill out an application in the waiting room while I was surrounded by 18 year olds working at their summer camp. Demeaning for someone who has their master's? A little... but I know that I have to do what I have to do for my son. That includes not being able to take just any job. I have to take a job that will be able to help provide me with childcare for him so that I'm not just working to pay for someone else to watch him.

I got a phone call from one of the places that I dropped off my resume. They were unsure of positions due to staff changes, but wanted to talk to me anyway. At the end of the conversation I mentioned that I had a son who would be needing a place in their toddler program. I don't know if this was a smart move or not. Maybe I should have waited until I at least had a job interview. All I know is that their tune promptly changed to "we'll probably get back to you." Wait, what? Probably get back to me? Meaning... you wouldn't even call me to tell me that you aren't interested or don't have a position available? Gotcha. Awesome.

Anyway... Logan had his job interview today so hopefully he'll be in a better place about all this than I am. I know I'm smart, and could excel in a lot of jobs if given the chance. It's the getting a chance part that is making me want to crawl right back under the covers and give up. Oh well... on to fight the good fight again I guess.

Hellooo Austin Texas

Well guys, we've made it. Actually... we made it here Tuesday night. Sorry about the lack of updates, but we got here pretty late on Tuesday and then my mom and D man got here Wednesday, so we've been trying to settle and show my mom around. It's been a good time so far since I have decided it's still a vacation for me as long as my mom is here. After she leaves I'll buckle down and do the whole "getting a job" thing again. Logan has an interview at Barnes and Noble on Tuesday... a second interview since he already had a phone interview. So let's all cross our fingers and think good thoughts and pray according to what works for you that all works out. Once we know at least where one of us works, we can work on getting a place to live and getting our lives more together. For now we're just seeing the sights and spending quality family time together.

Arkansas!

Well... we have been on our trip for two LONG days of driving so far. We've made it to Arkansas and have finally stopped for the night and have actually found WiFi for the first time on the trip. (PS we tried using it at McDonald's and... well... it didn't work. You suck McDonald's) It's late and we need to sleep so we can finish out the rest of the ride tomorrow so this is just a short update as to where we are. I'll write more about the trip later but some highlights...

*Tennessee takes FOREVER to drive through. Legit I think it took 12 hours.

*We weren't able to take a trailer... we ended up taking a truck and towing our car. More about that debacle later.

*Stopped in Bucksnort, TN. No really... Bucksnort. Come on. (Note from Logan... they must have a good dental industry there. It seems as though they were able to save three whole teeth for the gas station attendant)

*We miss Declan like crazy.

*The waiter at Cracker Barrel (who called me Ma'am in every single sentence, even if he wasn't talking to me, he worked it in there somehow) is praying for our us and our trip. It was sweet but a bit of overkill. I'm really not doing the story justice now. He was ridiculous.

Needing sleep now. Until next time we are Texas bound!

Last Day to Pack

I sit here, surrounded by to-do lists, piles of things to get packed, and my 16 month old toddling around undoing every job I complete and attempting to unpack everything I put into boxes. Today is my last day to get this done. I won't be leaving for Texas until Sunday, but today is my last day at this newest "home". I have two days of wedding fun ahead of me, but I am slightly unable to see it at this moment.

I can't believe that this is really happening. I've been wanting the excitement and adventure of moving to a completely different place for the last two or three years. I had gone so far to make plans to move to Oklahoma before Logan and I got together. I had started the application to OSU, had a place to stay and even had plane tickets booked for my friend who was going to drive there with me. Then I met Logan and fell completely and totally head-over-heels in love, and just couldn't go. I stayed to find out where things could go and was pregnant within two months. My traveling adventures came to a pause.

I say pause because here we are, about to press the play button again. I stayed while I was pregnant and while Declan was small because I needed the comfort of having my family around, and also because I couldn't bear to take him away from them. I have always been close with my family. We celebrate every holiday together from Christmas to the 4th of July. I want that for him. I want him to know his cousins and grandparents and have that special bond. So it tears my hearts apart a little to know that I'm taking him away from that (with my side of the family anyway). However, I know that we are young and if we are to adventure, now is the time. We are at points in our careers that it is easy to leave them, Declan is not in school yet, and it will only get harder from here. Anything can happen. I know that if I really needed it, I would have several people that would gladly get me a ticket to come home. I'm not saying that I am going to need it... but it is still nice to know that my support system won't disappear because I have moved a few miles away.

I have had a huge mental block with actually getting things packed up. It's hard to make it real. I know that it will be great, and a learning experience, and a chance for Logan and I to start something new with our little family. However, to everyone on the East Coast... know that I will miss you terribly.

Dear So and So

ALSO I forgot

A little rant

Dear person who parked halfway across the driveway,

I'm not sure why you don't understand that you literally parked your car on the street blocking half of our driveway. Did you not see that there was a driveway there? Was the entire street being empty in front of your space just not enough room? I was only home for five minutes for a bathroom break. I don't understand the complete lack of respect for the rules of driving. My car is not a tank. I don't drive over the sidewalk to get to the road. I drive through the break in the sidewalk. Ugh.

Your lucky I didn't call a towtruck,

Kate

Sorry so short

So most of my entries have been pretty short lately. I think that with the no-job situation and trying to figure out our lives I am just plain tired. I wish I had words of wisdom or funny comments, but my brain seems pretty fried.

We went down to visit my dad yesterday. Declan and I were able to spend the day out on his boat (and get use out of Declan's life jacket) and go to the beach. It was really nice to take a day off of worrying about moving stuff and just be. We swam and played in the sand and ate seafood and just had a nice time.

Today was the day that we had to start saying goodbye. I'm pretty sure it hasn't hit me that we're really leaving yet. I'm pushing that feeling off until the last second and I'm sure poor Logan will have to deal with most of it. (Sorry in advance love!) But the trailer is reserved... storage is set... place to live and flights and everything have been booked... it's really happening.