I'm back!

Hey all. I hope I didn't leave you all in suspense while I took a week off. (Who am I kidding... I'm sure no one cares) The small one and I took a trip to CT to see my mom. We had a family photo shoot on the beach resulting in some great/hilarious pictures. *One of my favorite moments was when we went to get ice cream from the ice cream truck - for only $1, how can you beat it- and we were all dressed head to toe in matching long sleeve shirts and jeans while everyone around us was in tiny shorts and bathing suits. Pretty funny* Declan and I took some time in with Gramby and spent a lot of time napping and on the beach.

I don't know if I mentioned it before but he's walking now!! Therefore, has been getting pretty tired from all his extra hard work.

The move is less than two weeks away, as is Mel's (and Casey's) wedding! Pretty stoked to have had some great bachelorette parties in the last weekend. Now pretty excited for the upcoming ceremonies (though I will only be able to attend one). We're leaving the 8th... the day after the wedding. Little man will be watched up here and flown down a few days later so we don't have to be fighting a 16 month old the whole way. Thank goodness.

I'm not really sure what else to say. Had to start paying back student loans today. That means I REALLY need to get my act together and find a job so I'm not left with nothing. I feel a little all over the place, with the house hopping and being jobless. I'm mostly ok, and pretty excited about everything, but there are some moments that hit me with the no-hope-of-a-job thing. I'm sure it will all work out once we're there but only time will tell I guess.

Until then... more packing will ensue!

TEXAS

So guys. Here's the big update I guess. Our plan to move to Texas has been put in action. Well... soon anyway. We're going to be leaving MA and heading due South August 8th. So I'll get to see pretty much all of my family at Mel's wedding the day before we leave. No jobs as of yet, but things are looking ok for Logan. We've been given the opportunity for a place to stay while getting settles sooo... time to make the leap.

I'm excited and nervous. It'll be good (but better once I find a job)!

Sidenote: It was a lot harder to write this and put it into words than I thought. Being real is kind of scary.

Expectations

So I've been doing a lot of thinking lately about expectations. I suppose that there is the theory that if you have expectations then you will only meet disappointment - or that if you have low expectations you will be pleasantly surprised. I don't know how I feel about that. I think that if you don't have any expectations... how are you supposed to have any hopes or dreams or goals? If there is no standard for things in your life... how will you know how to recognize things that will make you happy?

Now don't get me wrong. I'm not saying that everything in life has to reach these high unachievable standards and I will be miserable until that happens. Not at all. I am constantly learning to take a step back and see the good in the things surrounding me. However, I do have some expectations for things in my life. I have some expectations about what job I will take. I have expectations about the qualities my friends must have. I have expectations of myself. And I have expectations about love.

I feel as though I'm at a pretty big turning point in my life right now. We're about to make the plunge to Texas (more about that in a different post), I am unemployed with nothing hopeful in sight, we have been having to rely on others for so much help in the last few weeks (which is something I'm really not comfortable with) and in this move I am about to leave my family- my support system. I am okay with most of this, but recently I have been feeling really unbalanced, like I am floating through the universe without something to hold on, and like I really want/need to figure out what I want from life since this is my opportunity to get it.

I feel as though some of my expectations for things around me are changing as my universe changes. This affects many things including relationships. I don't really know what to do about any of it. I want what is going to make me happy- I NEED what will make me happy. But how do I know if I my expectations are just too high and I would be happier lowering them rather than striving for the impossible? I feel really lost.